nezz. this journal will soon look prettier

OH HAI.

Hope everyone is well. LJ seems a little quieter these days (understandable when there are so many social networks wanting your attention)

This year is looking pretty awesome. In fact, a lot of people seemed to bring the new year in with a lot of hope and feeling that this was going to be the year.

As I mentioned in the last blog, last year was a bit rough. So I guess any year can be better then ones like that.
We've finally moved intomoistywipe's Dad's house, rent free. Mind you, it was quite entertaining trying to fit a small townhouse worth of crap into 2 rooms. We've yet to unpack (even after more then a month), since more room needs to be made, but I am pretty happy here :) Hopefully, we can save a nice amount of money for future endeavours. 

This final year of uni is turning out to be fantastic. Maybe its because I know I am finishing, and because I actually choice units without any guidance this time, but I feel more motivated then before. Shame I couldn't have this awesome work ethic the whole time during my degree, heh. Now it's just a matter of having a bit of planning for next year. I am so used to just doing things I worked out years ago. This time 'round, I am still not sure what sort of possible career path I could take (I mean, ideally I would just love to travel, but I have to make money first). So, at the moment I am scouting some postgrads in either media studies or computer security.

But we shall see what the year brings, eh? Anything could happen!

2008 was a pretty rough year for many people close to me. So I am pretty glad the new year has begun, to start fresh, as they say.

It's the last year of our degree for moistywipe and I at ECU. Had I not failed 4 units during the time of this degree, I would have finished. But eh, you get that. We'll also be moving out before March, back to moistywipe's Dad's house, who has kindly allowed us to not pay rent. And whilst I am a bit bummed we'll be moving out the little cave, we'll be saving a lot more money to either move somewhere else, travel etc. Huzzah!

While I am not a big fan of resolutions, having goals is always nice. I have a few aspirations for 2009. Going to FINALLY get my license. I've actually been driving more frequently, so I reckon I can try and get it before uni gets back. I just need to get over my paranoia and fix my confidence. I have big hopes in kicking ass at uni again this semester and next. I managed to get 2 HD's for project, as well as a D and CR. I am also participating in the 365 project on Flickr. Lots of fellow Twitter folk are also joining, and I thought it would be good to improve my camera skillz. You can follow it here on my Flickr.

Well, best of luck to everyone in the New Year! :D Big hugs!

It was 5 years for Oliver and I on Tuesday.
Whilst I am not usually one to get sappy, its a pretty big landmark in terms of my life so far.
In this time, we've grown up together - both as people and in terms of the teenager to adulthood transition.
We've gotten through high school, through the wonders of being a band as well as school band camps, made our first move out of home together, are tackling a degree together, make awesome food for ourselves - its amazing to have someone with you through everything. It's pretty much how we've done it since we first met each other.

And whilst I've seen relationships like ours fade over time, I am not too worried anymore. We are best friends. We are so close to each other. Sure, we'll have our arguments, but we always resolve them as soon as we can.

 I am so happy to have Oliver with me. Loves j00 Oliver.

/loverant

So yesterday, I finally hit the age of 21.
And when comparing that age with other things apart from your average human or turtle, that's a long time.

I have finally earned the right of being paid as an adult (which has been annoying me for ages since I turned 18 - you can get a loan, go to jail, but you can't earn an adult wage - wtf?) and drink in any country in the world (though not a huge highlight for me personally). It seems, however, people around me are automatically assuming that going into this age means marriage and babies aren't far away.

Whilst marriage is a thing that has been discussed between Oliver and I (especially since poor Oliver has to put up with the nagging at work) its not something we are generally fussed about. Children on the other hand....not something I am thinking about for a while. Besides, the world is over populated, so I am just doing my part if the time never comes. It's this society ritual, the plan everyone goes by, still after so long that fascinates me. I have no problem with the rather large number of people I know that have either had babies or gotten married already. It's just when people don't want to understand my view on the matter, or think Oliver or I are strange. We've always done things differently though.

Life doesn't have a rule book. That's my motto. Put religion into this matter and that's a whole different kettle of fish. But it really is up to us. There is no reason I have to follow this set procedure. As far as I am concerned, Oliver and I pretty much live and work like a married couple - we just don't share taxes or have the same surname. That is all it is to me at the moment. But it seems to prove anything, people think we should be engaged or married. And the funny thing is, when I think on this, the thought of my parents knowing I might be getting married makes me giggle. I still feel like they don't take us all that seriously still, after so many years. But they are just weird anyway.

So really, at the moment my brain is kick-starting into the proper adult mode that society plonks onto us, and once again questioning the characteristics of an adult.
Regardless of my age now, I still look underage. Go me.

I've been a busy bee.

University is packed to the rafters with homework and assignments. I really love doing my design unit at the moment - my creativity is slowly coming back! Amongst the usual work and living stuffs I've had a few design jobs to tuck into my time as well. Feel like my brain is going to explode with all this stuff to do in my head. Hopefully, it won't get to that messy stage.
I have also begun a love affair with making muffins. So far, both of the recipes I have tried out have been successful. At the moment I am just trying to motivate myself to take more time to cook, because its fun and rewarding to have a recipe work out! People these days aren't making the time to make their own dinner or lunch anymore, and I think that is kind of sad. Especially with the amount of preservatives and artifical additives that are put into fast and quick food. At least I know what's in the food I am cooking.

Trying to figure out what to do next year with my last semester. Whether to finish it off and include the possibility of a TAFE course at the second half of the year, or be a mindless drone at Target. <--- I think not.

Been sitting on this degree gettin' train, and it'll be time to hop off very soon. Which means I need to make decisions. And I am bad at making decisions. On account of being indecisive. Eh.

Just got this damn travel bug scratchin'.

So far, my overhaul of general organization and motivation has been successful. With a bit of will power, I've managed to keep ontop of things so far, in regards to the usual juggling of 2 jobs, university and living. Despite this being a simple and personal task, I've seeked some advice from a source I recommend (and have recommended to some of my fellow LJers).

Zen Habits is a great blog to read to get things back on track, and to think about all the aspect of life and living. It really reminds me we all have control over what we do and think. Sure, its all simple, logical stuff, but its what some people lack these days - common sense and control. This particular entry, Top 20 Motivation Hacks is what has helped me the past few weeks - have a read! 

I must admit though, having such a shitty semester before has also motivated me, though I doubt it's going to help my course average very much. But keeping organized is sure making me feel better mentally (though if you ask Moist, I still get stressed and cranky from time to time - something I NEED to work on, instead of blaming my genes all the time).

Now its a matter of keeping up with this, as well maintaining a balance and not getting too obsessed with organizing....

Lately, everyone seems to be mentioning or asking what I am going to do after this degree. Trouble is, I have no freakin' idea, apart from my incessant desire to travel overseas. I don't have a huge problem with no direct plan - life should be random, you should go with feeling- but everyone else may and does - especially that ever so cheerful father of mine. Sure, Stalin's 5 year plan worked brilliantly - very productive. But I am not into plans, and I don't intend to revolutionise my life. I don't want to get stuck in a office-like/high-rise job for years, make the marry-buy house-have kids path, or just be left in the same place. I just hope Oliver and everyone else around me, considering I go through with this no future plan-plan, accepts it. 

Isn't life just so tasty.

Starting up my second last semester today, and thankfully, I have become motivated.
The past few months have been slightly rough to say the least, and towards the end of last semester, I really thought that I wouldn't be able to hop back into uni mode again now. I was pretty much fried. But, so far, so good.

It helps that I have 2 new lecturers, one of them being a Creative Industries/Media unit lecturer. It's nice to go back into the creative world - I've been out of it for way to long. Afterall, it's learning about web design, graphics, media and interfaces that I was interested in, and very passionate about when I first got to ECU. I have been so bedazzled by the grand and crappy aspects of life that I have lost motivation and direction. Definitely somewhere I didn't want to be. 

This semester will be jam-packed. Project implementation is underway, and I am already behind. I have got to make sure I keep on top of things this semester, or I am in deep, deep poop. It'll be one more semester next year, and that's the end of this journey. Got to make it worthwhile.

Funny how sitting in one digital media unit has helped refresh my mind and thoughts (though let's see how I am next week).
Guess I needed the change. I always crave change. And now that I have it, I need to keep on track.

Toot! Toot!

Great.

Just when I got that little hint of motivation back and may of completed another assignment, I got sick AGAIN.
After just recovering from mild influenza, on Thursday night, the night before my first exam, I got gastroenteritis/stomach bug.
It's only today that my stomach feels slightly back to normal, and I may be able to eat 3 meals today.
I just can't believe I got sick again, right when it was crucial for uni, AGAIN.
I will not be half surprised if I fail this semester completely. I've hardly handed in any assignments. 

But I just have to get on with it, as I have my other Project exam tomorrow.
I bloody well hope I can just get through this, and this horrible semester will be finally over.

meh.

/whinge.

Almost the end of Semester 1.
And I am still sitting back in Week 7.
I have never been so terrible with assignments. Pretty much complete apathy for them this year.

So I am either going to fail absolutely miserably (though I am more confident in one Project unit, since I have been actively doing it all semester) or magically just pass my units.

Either way I am either fed up, or bored with what I am doing. That is my explanation for being completely unmotivated and almost disinterested in uni all together. I feel like my mind is wondering way to much these days. I just really hope I can get my shit together in the next day or so, or I will be pretty screwed.

Oliver and I are setting goals this semester break, and I am really happy we are. Saving money, and eating better are on top of the list, and are do-able, given the time we have available then. I wish to rejuvenate myself, or at least this lack of motivation on the holidays. Still trying to figure out exactly how to do that, since some things I used to rely on such as music listening and naps have been failing me lately.

I would definitely defer uni if I could, but:

a) I have project this year, and a fantastic group of people and numerous opportunities with it.
b) I would most likely miss uni once I was away from it (usually the case during the holidays)

For now, its head down, bum up (though that's a bit risky with moistywipe in the room).

Oh, and Peter Garrett - you have officially converted to politician ass wipe. (yes, I only just noticed that).

Things Nezz has come across or learned from the past month:

Mortality
Love of Cider
A random lifestyle is a very alluring option
Team work
The value of sleep
Support
The wonder of Reznor

Just need to push a little hard at uni, and it will be holiday time soon.
Aaah.

There comes this time every couple of months, but only in uni time, where I feel so uncomfortable with the way I am living at the moment. And sure, I am not out on the streets with no food day in, day out. I shouldn't really be feeling like my life is less then comfortable. I should be grateful. But it is my life, and I am the only one that can make the rules and live it the way I would like to.






All this feeling of "blah" just makes me want to either pack up and get out of this country, or sleep all day and never worry about a thing. This is not how I anticipate spending my time alive. I'm not happy like this. I wake up stressed and highly strung, and even lately, I haven't been sleeping well. I want to make time for Oliver and I. I want to make time to catch up with people I highly regard and find inspiring. I want to grasp that creative streak in me once more.

But most of all I want to have time.
And earn a degree.
And be able to live independently with Oliver.

Maybe I am just doing too much?

It's now been a week since I was lucky enough to see The Smashing Pumpkins for the first time at the V Festival.
It was one of the most remarkable gigs of my life.
As soon as the band set stage, my whole body erupted with excitement, and I actually started crying because I was so happy!
I have seen bands I have idolised before, like the Foo Fighters, and even Billy Joel. But I just can't put my finger on why this was such a big deal for me. After all, they are just a bunch of people, like me, that make, in my opinion, magnificent music.

BC gave out so much energy and love as he played. I think that is really what made this special. And the crowd, though rough on occasion, was pretty awesome too. Nearly everyone was singing along to every song - as was I. Just thinking about the gig gets me all excited again.
Days after the gig, I was on a high. And every SP song I listened to seemed different. Like I was getting another perspective on the words, and music. I feel strange to admit this, considering I am agnostic and all, but this guy felt like a God to me. As soon as he came on stage, all I saw was him. I was in absolute awe. No, scrap feeling strange, I feel ridiculous. I was the ultimate fan girl that night, and I think Mark was the ultimate fan boy :P It was so awesome to be in a crowd of people that actually appreciated a band I love. And thanks for sharing that with me Mark ^_^
I just hope I can see them again soon, and hopefully not at a festival, so I can has a full set of Pumpkin goodness.

And well, apart from dreaming of Pumpkin goodness, and attempting java programming once more, I have been recently diving into philosophy. I think I have this strange expectation that I can find several answers I have of myself though the words of philosophers. One of my biggest problems is not being settled in my own mind about things. I guess I just feel if I read up on thoughts of the mind, I can be in tune with my own. An interesting statement regarding Immanuel Kant's formulation I found in a book I am reading at the moment said "the more familar we become with the capabilities of our own minds, the closer we approach true knowledge". It's something that made me consider that understanding the way you think about anything and everything can help you essentially understand yourself perfectly.

Gee, its been a while since I poured my thoughts out onto the interwebs.

While I didn't greet this new year in with any excitement,  and instead watched Scrubs with Oliver (having then after 5 mins after, realised it was officially 2008), I have a lot of aspirations this year.

I really want to stick to these aspirations. I really should.

Anyhow, Happy 2008. We are just one more year closer till the Earth decides it doesn't like us anymore. Yay for global warming.

I want to find a balance whilst being in the Western society.

How is it that you can take into account all the things you learn through the media, such as The Story of Stuff or peak oil themed films and not become a hypocrite or constant involver in the horrible situation that is upon this world?

It's a headfuck.

Sure, I can write a letters, voice my opinion, but I still, essentially have to buy food with unnecessary chemicals in them, clothes that are produced in the third world, and contribute to the never-ending use of the world's resources by sitting on this computer typing this blog. I am currently employed by a company, that promotes "Organic cotton" and "affordable consumer friendly" products whilst giving employees an opportunity to donate some of their pay to Australian charity organizations. Meanwhile, the products we sell are horribly priced, cheap and made in China, with the likely hood that those who help make it are not being paid $1 out of the price we pay to take that item home. The people I work with don't even know what fair trade is, and if I mention something along those lines, they simply laugh at me. It's not that I care what they think about me - its about what they essentially care about in this world, as human beings, that worries me. It's them and the generation below me. It's the rest of the world, thats sitting back unaware, or just unable to do anything about it. 
 
I should be more optimistic. I should really try hard to make a difference. But it does, and I shouldn't let this situation get me down. Since moving out of home I have become more and more aware of the world around me. And it quite frankly depresses me.

I guess its just one of the many personal things I need to work on.

I am not looking forward to my uni results at all.

I know I fucked up big time this semester, but I am being a pain because I just don't want someone saying I could of done better etc.
I know that. Hence the fact I know I fucked up real bad. I am extremely disappointed in myself.
And I am not the least bit surprised that my Op Sys hasn't been marked yet. Tool of a lecturer.
I just want to start fresh next year, and get behind all of last semester.
Get it over and done with. Bah.